


and i will try to fix you

by daltaeil



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Friends With Benefits, M/M, OH lapslock, Post-Break Up, feelings are a bitchjdhf, i Love doyoung he'll get his happy ending okay!, im bad w tags errrrrr, kinda but not . really too, more tags will be added as i go along hehe, rebound but harmless sex, tende line r bffs, well mostly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:42:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18640207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daltaeil/pseuds/daltaeil
Summary: taeyong broke jaehyun's heart, doyoung wants nothing more than to fix it, and taeil just wants to see his friends happy.alternatively, where doyoung silently pines for his heartbroken best friend.





	1. oh, my heart hurts so good

**Author's Note:**

> so......i intended for this to be a oneshot b-but i got stuck so i decided to post this as a chaptered fic!  
> i hope you enjoy it~!  
> (((title from coldplay's fix you)))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> doyoung's relationship with heartbroken jaehyun becomes an increasingly blurred line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd but do enjoy this!!!!  
> (chapter title ref: lany - ilysb)

"jaehyun, baby," were the first words that left doyoung's lips when he opened the door to his friend's room to see a boy drowned in a grey hoodie and sweats, knees hugged to his chest as he rocked back and forth on his bed. he always had a sixth sense for when something was wrong with jaehyun, and it was usually accurate, especially now. doyoung immediately rushed forward to sit on the bed, bringing his friend into his arms and patting his back gingerly. sobs raked through jaehyun's body and doyoung felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as the sight of a bawling jaehyun presented itself right in his arms, but he had to blink back the tears because he had to be strong for jaehyun to rely on him.

doyoung let his eyes roam the room, and as he spotted a box of letters strewn across the floor, shards of glass from a broken photo frame at the foot of the door and jaehyun's phone on the desk showing 8 missed calls from "tyongie(∩˃o˂∩)♡", doyoung's mind started to piece things together. he sneakily reached across jaehyun's shoulders to turn his phone off, then looked down at the still sobbing boy and pressed a hesitant kiss into jaehyun's hair. "it'll be fine, jaehyun. let's put you to sleep," he whispered and jaehyun looked up at him.

doyoung's heart felt like it was being ripped at the seams. jaehyun's bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks shot right through his heart and doyoung had to take a sharp breath to keep his tears from falling. jaehyun opened his mouth as if to speak but all that left his throat was a broken sob. doyoung pursed his lips and pulled the covers out from under jaehyun's and his weight, throwing it over the other boy after laying him down. he reached out to stroke jaehyun's hair, "i'll get some water," but just as he stood to leave, jaehyun held him by the wrist; his grip was loose, as if he barely had the strength to even properly curl his fingers around doyoung's thin wrist.

"don't go," jaehyun's voice came out in a hoarse whisper, and doyoung turned to meet his glassy eyes. of course, he couldn't say no so he sat back down on the bed. "lay with me, please," and doyoung obliged with jaehyun's quiet pleas, getting under the covers and laying still beside jaehyun. the younger boy turned towards him, curling into him, and doyoung tensed up but quickly put his arm around jaehyun, keeping him close. he felt jaehyun cuddle into his chest and he only prayed that jaehyun wouldn't point out his erratic heartbeat.

"jae?" doyoung was about to check if jaehyun had fallen asleep, but the moment he looked down he was met with jaehyun's lips on his and the younger's arms around his neck. he stilled; they often shared playful pecks on the forehead and cheek and neck because they were that close, but this was a first in their friendship. when doyoung realised jaehyun didn't seem to be pulling away anytime soon, he let his lips melt against jaehyun's, kissing back just as lightly as jaehyun had initiated. his heart was screaming at him to stop, but he didn't want to risk jaehyun bursting into tears again so he just played along, even if he was going to be the next one to burst into tears. a kiss became another, and another two, and then jaehyun was on doyoung, lips moving south past doyoung's neck but the older cleared his throat. "you should sleep, jaehyun," he smiled meekly, shifting the boy back so his chest cushioned jaehyun's head.

"goodnight, doie. thanks for being here," jaehyun murmured in response and pressed a kiss around doyoung's chin. doyoung could feel his heart banging at his throat and threatening to leap out, but he simply swallowed and let his fingers run through jaehyun's hair, knowing it would soothe him to sleep eventually. 

jaehyun's breathing finally evened out after what seemed like an eternity, and that was when doyoung let the tears leak out the corners of his eyes and down his temples. he bit on his lip to prevent from making any noise, only lifting his free hand every once in while to wipe away the tears before they hit the pillow. the other hand busied itself with jaehyun's hair, and doyoung wanted nothing more than to keep pressing kiss after kiss into that head of dark hair. he wish there was meaning to jaehyun's sudden affection, but he knew that the younger boy coped with sadness by compensating with affection, be it the giving or taking of. so he let his mind shut off, focusing on the sound of the fan whirring and jaehyun's hitched snores.

that night, doyoung fell asleep with the ghost of jaehyun's lips on his, and his fingers tangled in jaehyun's hair.

 

"doie?" a faint voice called out, and doyoung's eyes strained to open as they were immediately attacked with the sunlight streaming in. he looked down to see jaehyun's puffy eyes peaking out from the covers. "sorry, you had to stay over, it just… felt weird to sleep alone after so long," jaehyun managed to speak out, his voice wavering ever so slightly at "alone". doyoung simply nodded.

"it's no worry, you're lucky we don't have class today," doyoung tried to joke to lighten the mood, and thankfully it had some effect as a meek smile formed on jaehyun's lips.

jaehyun's lips. the lips that had been on his last night, then sent him to sleep after leaving his chin. doyoung froze at the mere memory, absentmindedly mumbling an "okay" when jaehyun said he was going to get up to freshen up. he looked up to see the slouching boy gingerly avoiding the mess on the floor and heading to the bathroom, and doyoung immediately got to work tidying it up when the door to the bathroom shut gently.

when doyoung was finished with stacking the letters back in the box then tucking it somewhere hidden under the cupboards, and sweeping the glass shards away, he heard a loud cry and a thump from the bathroom. he instantly shot up and swung the door open, to see jaehyun sobbing under the shower in the same position he had found in him the previous night, just now naked and with water running over him. all it took was for yoonohjaehyun to look up at him with those puffy eyes and doyoung was on his knees right away and pulling jaehyun into his arms, paying zero attention to jaehyun's wet body soaking his clothes.

"i-i just miss him so much, doie," jaehyun managed to make out through sobs and hitched breaths, and doyoung only tightened his arms around the boy, as if trying to hold his own heart together too.

"let's get you cleaned up, alright? i'll be here," doyoung reassured, dragging a stool from under the sink and into the shower and letting jaehyun sit there. he pulled off his shirt and sweats, before getting into the shower with jaehyun and standing behind him. he pressed three pumps of shampoo (jaehyun's, not taeyong's like he knew jaehyun usually used) into his palm, getting it into a lather as he rubbed his hands together then gingerly shampooing the younger boy's hair. jaehyun seemed to slump back, back pressed against doyoung's chest, and doyoung didn't say a word even though he could feel jaehyun's body shaking with every sob.

when doyoung was sure enough that jaehyun could wash his own body, he grabbed a bathrobe and walked out of the bathroom to sit on the small couch in the living area after grabbing his phone from the bedroom. the moment he unlocked his phone, he saw a stream of messages from multiple contacts — his brother, jungwoo, his junior, jeno, him and jaehyun's other good friend, taeil, and… taeyong.

upon the last name, doyoung gritted his teeth and immediately swiped the notification away. he decided to open taeil's messages first because knowing the other two, jungwoo was probably just asking him for drinks and jeno probably needed help with his boyfriend or with school work.

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : yo do / _11.58pm_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : ty is texting me ???? / _11.58pm_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : ??? did they break up wtf / _11.59pm_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : i assume ur at jae's / _12.04am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : u n ur jaehyun senses / _12.05am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : update me, i hope jae's ok / _12.23am_

a sigh left doyoung's lips. he turned to hear the shower still running and quickly got to replying taeil.

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : sup / _10.22am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : Yeah they broke up / _10.22am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : jae's .. not doing well so far / _10.24am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : but i'll be here with him dw / _10.24am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : i'll come over after class / _10.30am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : i know youll be thr with him / _10.30am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : u love him too much not to / _10.30am_

doyoung's fingers freeze over the keyboard as taeil's message seemed to stare at him in bold, and he hesitated before typing out his next message.

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : hyung he kssed me / _10.35am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : on the LIPS / _10.35am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : i couldnt just leave hyung / _10.37am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : do … / _10.47am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : u never say no to jae and u know that / _10.47am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : are u ever gonna tell jae ??? / _10.48am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : youve loved him for years now / _10.49am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : ive been fine for years without telling him and ill be fine for more / _10.52am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : see you later, love u / _10.52am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : alright / _11.01am_

doyoung ran a hand through his hair and threw his phone down on the couch. yes, he loved jaehyun. heck, he LOVES jaehyun. but jaehyun didn't have to know; doyoung was fine being able to be there for jaehyun even as just a friend.

but of course, doyoung wishes he could be more than just.

 

it's been two weeks since the episode and doyoung was basically living at jaehyun's by this point. it had become routine to take the short bus trip to the small apartment jaehyun used to share with taeyong, instead of the subway to his own studio further from the main city; he had his shampoos and skincare in jaehyun's bathroom, his textbooks and desktop were moved over and what used to be taeyong's bed now displayed the bolster he couldn't sleep without as a kid. not that doyoung really needed that (or even the bed, for that matter) because almost every night was spent in jaehyun's room, on his bed, in his arms.

yeah, that was another new routine for him. doyoung would take the bus home with jaehyun (because they always waited for each other now, even if either had supplementary lessons or trainings; jaehyun was on the swim team and doyoung was in debate), and they'd freshen up, have dinner together, do work or study, then they'd climb into jaehyun's bed. they usually take the time to wind down into a sleepier state, talking about their days and have mindless conversations. sometimes (more like most times, honestly), they'd make out and jaehyun would fall asleep with his nose buried in the crook of doyoung's neck, then doyoung would spend the next hour awake just thinking, and thinking.

it's not like doyoung didn't like kissing jaehyun and being intimate with him — heck, he loved it, he loved being able to snatch jaehyun's lips between his while pinning the younger to the bed, he loved placing his hand on the small of jaehyun's back as they cuddled, he loved carding his fingers through jaehyun's hair; of course you would love kissing someone you've always dreamt of having in your arms forever. but doyoung absolutely hated that he knew jaehyun didn't mean any of those romantically. they had been platonic friends who shared kisses on the cheek and squeezes of the hand and hands around each other's waists, and they still were, just now with slightly more. they never went further than making out but doyoung was always left breathless and painfully hard while jaehyun fell asleep on him.

but between hating the lack of reciprocated romantic feelings and taeil's questioning looks when he'd come to visit and find them tangled in the same bed, doyoung biting on his lip and flashing a meek smile while jaehyun snored away peacefully, doyoung felt like jaehyun was really getting over taeyong and that was all doyoung wanted. although his thoughts constantly drifted back to taeil's question the night of jaehyun's breakdown, he swept it under the carpet and basked in knowing he was helping jaehyun through the breakup, that he was the reason jaehyun's breakdowns were now less frequent. every now and then, jaehyun would tense up at the mention of taeyong or anything relevant to him, but doyoung was almost always there to squeeze jaehyun's hand reassuringly. he wanted to protect jaehyun; he had to protect jaehyun.

so on the rare day that jaehyun had a whole day of supplementary lessons and doyoung didn't, he called taeyong over to take his stuff. taeyong arrived almost right away, as if he was waiting around for a day that jaehyun wasn't around. doyoung had to take all the strength he had to resist himself from lunging at taeyong, even if taeyong looked just as worn out as jaehyun did. "take care of him, doyoung. and please ask him to call me," taeyong finally spoke when he was about to leave. doyoung chose to ignore the first half of his words, settling for a cold "i'll consider it" before shutting the door in taeyong's face.

doyoung spent the rest of the time that jaehyun had classes pulling at his hair and calling taeil as a brain dump (which taeil probably took as white noise while studying anyway). just as jaehyun swung the door open and walked through the doorway, taeil hung the call, but not before leaving doyoung with a concerned "i trust that you know what you're doing". at this, the call ended and doyoung put his phone down to look up at jaehyun, smiling immediately when he saw the boy in jeans and a grey sweater that he was sure was his.

"looking good," doyoung chuckled as jaehyun set his book-filled bag down, padding over to flop down on the couch beside doyoung and they curled into each other like it was second nature. doyoung threw an arm around jaehyun's shoulder, extending the other to grab his cup of coffee on the side table. he took a sip, then offered some to jaehyun and the scene was sickeningly domestic, even for two best friends.

"what are we?" doyoung blurted out and immediately wanted to swallow his words back. jaehyun put doyoung's cup down and nibbled his lip, and doyoung could see the gears turning in jaehyun's head. "you don't have to answer, i was just curious because we've been kissing, and sleeping with each other- not like that, i mean-" doyoung started rambling, quickly cutting himself off when he saw jaehyun open his mouth to speak.

"you're… my best friend, doie," jaehyun started, (ouch, doyoung thought.) "and i don't think i'm ready to date again." (ouch again, doyoung mentally cursed.) jaehyun turned to face doyoung, looking serious and doyoung wanted to climb into a hole and die there, what with the intense gaze jaehyun was giving him. "but if you're not comfortable with all this, i can just stop-"

"no," doyoung immediately said, almost too quickly. jaehyun gave him a weird look then broke into a small chuckle, getting up to take a shower, but not before leaning in to kiss doyoung smack on the lips. so doyoung sat there on the couch, mind running and lips pursed.

the next day was a saturday night of their term break, so doyoung and jaehyun decided to check out the newly opened burger joint across the street instead of ordering in. their server had confidently mistaken them for a "lovely couple", and coupled with doyoung's sudden question from a week before, that set a slightly tense atmosphere between the two. minimal words were exchanged over the meal, and they walked back in silence, doyoung flinching every time their fingers brushed instead of intertwining them casually like they usually did.

when they were done washing up that night, doyoung hesitated by the doorway of jaehyun's bed. when jaehyun, laying in bed already, looked up from his phone and they locked eyes, doyoung panicked and mumbled a quick "good night" before scurrying off to "his" room and quickly closing the door.

doyoung hadn't slept alone and any bed besides jaehyun's for the past two weeks, so he tossed and turned for a good half hour after he had turned off the lights. frustrated, he finally got up and quickly walked to the door, wanting to get a glass of water, but just as he was about to swing it open, it was pushed open and doyoung fell back onto the floor.

"fuck- sorry, doie," jaehyun panicked, squatting to fuss over the older and instinctively reaching out for doyoung's waist, wanting to help him up. doyoung froze, of course, jaehyun's touch always set him on fire. they locked gazes and even in the dark room, only illuminated by the dim nightlight in the corner of the room, doyoung could see a hesitancy in jaehyun's eyes. doyoung's expression softened and he moved to squeeze the hand that was on his waist. "i'm okay," doyoung let out a small chuckle, standing up.

"err… did you need something?" doyoung spoke up after a minute's worth of awkward silence. jaehyun seemed to remember what he came for to begin with and flashes the older a meek smile, eyes travelling to his bed and doyoung immediately understood. that's just how doyoung and jaehyun were, understanding each other with the mere exchange of glances and unspoken thoughts, but doyoung found it funny how despite the above, they couldn't read between the lines of their spoken words.

doyoung nodded and stepped back to slide under his covers, and jaehyun followed suit gingerly. the two males lay side by side, doyoung playing with his fingers and jaehyun biting at his lip. even without any touch, just jaehyun's mere presence was heating doyoung up and he felt his brain short circuit when jaehyun finally opened his mouth to ask, "can we cuddle?"

of course, doyoung couldn't and wouldn't say no (he never said no to jaehyun and he knew that. taeil was right, but of course doyoung's prideful ass wasn't going to admit it). so doyoung nodded, and jaehyun's arms immeditaely snaked around doyoung's waist, pressing his body flush against the side of doyoung's.

and everything went back to normal, or at least what was before the awkward air came in. nights were spent cuddling in jaehyun's bed, a mess of limbs and hair, afternoons were spent studying for the next term or visiting new cafes in the vicinity, and mornings were spent waking up next to each other with sloppy pecks on the cheek and mumbled "good morning"s.

it was all so sickeningly domestic to doyoung; he hated it. he hated waking up with jaehyun in his arms and having to hold back from pressing limitless kisses into the younger's hair and skin when he looked down and saw jaehyun's lashes fanned out over closed eyelids. he hated having to deny and clarify their friendship whenever a waiter mistook them for a cute couple on a date. he hated knowing that jaehyun's good-night kisses on the neck, cheek and lips were all purely platonic to him.

doyoung absolutely hated that even if he returned each of jaehyun's kisses with equal (maybe even more) fervour, jaehyun wasn't reciprocating with equivalent feelings. doyoung wanted so badly to kiss jaehyun good morning, hold his hand and tell waiters "yes, bring me and my boyfriend two coffees", and he wanted most badly to tell jaehyun how much he loved him before they fell asleep together each night.

doyoung was hitting his breaking point and he knew it, so he just had to call taeil over in the two short days that jaehyun was going to visit and stay at his parents'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hi hello i hope u enjoyed the first chapter!!!! school has just started for me so i'm still adapting, but i think chapter two should be up by mid-may!! (or at least i hope ;-;)  
> leave a comment or kudos so i know u read all the way or even better, enjoyed it! hehe  
> come yell at me at [twt](https://twitter.com/taeildal) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/taeilna)


	2. like every night, you are in my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaehyun comes back from his short trip, but not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to my bb rach for being my beta!!!! love u lots, thank u <3  
> smut warning so if u're not comfortable w it, just skip past it!!  
> also yes,,,, poor doie and jh is an asshat..... but this isn't the end yet oyo do stay tuned keke  
> soooOOooO enjoy!  
> (chapter title ref: nct 127 - knock on)

"bro, you look like shit" were the first words taeil spat out upon walking into the apartment barely lit by the streetlamps outside. doyoung knew it held no venom but rolled his eyes anyway, running a hand through his disheveled hair and scowling at the older male.

"tell me something i don't know," doyoung snapped back, receiving a snicker from the older male who plopped down onto the couch beside doyoung. the younger immediately curled into his friend's side, and taeil pat doyoung's head in pity. it had barely been 3 hours since jaehyun had left for the airport but doyoung was already feeling somewhat empty; well, it was hard not to when nearly all of his time spent was, quite literally, around jaehyun.

taeil clicked his tongue and looked down at his best friend. "are you ever going to tell him you love him?" he noted the lock in doyoung's jaw at the question and sat up so doyoung knew he was serious with his question, but one look at doyoung avoiding his gaze and he already knew the answer. with a sigh, he clapped a hand on the younger's shoulder. "i don't want to see you get hurt, doie," taeil started and doyoung let a groan fall slip, only feeling guilty when he saw taeil purse his lips.

"i know… i want to tell him but i'm just so, so scared, hyung," doyoung's voice started to quiver, and taeil took this as a sign to stop pushing the topic, instead turning on the television and selecting a channel playing a show that taeil knew would serve more as white noise for doyoung's thoughts, than actual entertainment.

two movies and a large pizza later, taeil found himself typing out a text while doyoung snored softly, head in his lap. his finger constantly found it's way back to the backspace button and his hands kept running through his hair. letting out a soft groan of frustration, taeil locked his phone and threw it onto the space beside him. he had been trying to draft a text to jaehyun, but he just couldn't phrase his thoughts properly. taeil had so many questions — was jaehyun over taeyong? did jaehyun know doyoung liked him as way more than a friend? was doyoung willing to risk his friendship with jaehyun? as the swarm of questions congregated in his head, he shook his head to clear them. he knew he wasn't in the position to confess on behalf of doyoung and potentially ruin their friendship, but taeil was getting sick of the obvious elephant in the room and the fact that both jaehyun and doyoung were ignoring it. letting out a sigh, he reached over the edge of the couch to turn the living room lights off, feeling too tired and bad to wake doyoung up and move him to the bedroom. with that, he let his eyelids take their time drooping down, falling asleep to the whirring of the wall fan and doyoung's erratic exhales.

taeil woke up to an empty lap and a slightly sore neck. rubbing at his bleary eyes, he looked around to see doyoung biting into a muffin at the dinner table, scrolling through who-knows-what on his phone. as if he felt taeil's gaze on him, doyoung looked up and flashed a meek smile, stuffing what was left of his muffin into his mouth and beckoning taeil over. but as taeil stepped closer, he saw that there were already four wrappers of different breakfast items besides the muffin one — doyoung was stress-eating for breakfast and that was hardly ever a good sign.

as if he could read taeil's inner monologue, doyoung opened his mouth to speak. "jae texted," he started, and took taeil's raised brow as a cue to finish his statement. "he's coming back tonight, because his parents have company shit to settle," doyoung finished, letting his shoulders slump as taeil reached over to squeeze one.

"you know that just means you've to face the music sooner, right?" taeil asked, and doyoung nodded. taeil sighed and gathered the food wrappers, disposing off them in the trash. "i'm going to go freshen up, but you really should too," he shouted over his shoulder as he headed to doyoung's room where he knew he had at least three proper sets of clothing that were meant for him, courtesy of when jaehyun was always sleeping at taeyong's and doyoung got bored alone at home. when he headed into the shower with fresh clothes and a towel and heard shuffling behind him, he smiled and drew the shower curtains.

doyoung had spent the rest of the day practicing his monologue with his reflection. taeil had been of absolutely no help, feeding snickers and cackles as he lay on his stomach on doyoung's bed and watched the younger sit at his desk and talk to his mirror. when taeil had finally left, he did with a pat on doyoung's back and a thoughtful "good luck, text me" between their parting hug. with a wave, taeil left doyoung's place and doyoung was left with his own thoughts in the living room again.

 

startled back to reality by a knock (well, three, because jaehyun liked doing that), doyoung's eyes snapped up to the ceiling clock and realised he had been moping for three hours already. after taeil left, all he had done was watch three movies, do up a quick chicken salad and well, mope. hurriedly, the boy stood up and shuffled over to the front door, swinging it open and immediately swallowing three words when he saw that jaehyun wasn't alone.

jaehyun stood at the door frame, luggage in one hand and taeyong's hand in his other. if doyoung had let his smile falter for a second, he quickly picked it back up and smiled at the… couple. "jae! and hi, taeyong," he beamed. doyoung pulled jaehyun in for a friendly hug, body going into an old autopilot with arms encircling the younger's torso instead of his waist, a body part he had become much more familiar with over the past weeks. he let the hug settle for a moment, enough but not too long to be deemed anything past friendly, then turned to taeyong and settled for a one-handed bro hug kind of situation. ushering the couple into the place, he blinked once, blinked twice then ran his finger over the stray tear that had escaped his eye. with that, doyoung turned back towards the house and walked towards the couple, putting on the most nonchalance he could muster and closing the door behind him. he only hoped the sound of the door locking could mask the sound of his heart dropping from miles high and it's pieces scattering everywhere.

doyoung excused himself back to jaehyun's room, claiming he had a headache and that he'd pack up and go back to his studio apartment the next morning. jaehyun's "no rush doie, we'll just sleep in yongie's room first" seemed to rub salt over his wound more than offer any reassurance. a meek smile and a locked door later, doyoung found himself enveloped in a room that smelled wholly like jaehyun, including the musky scent of his cologne settled by the full-length mirror where they got ready every day, and when he stuffed his face into the pillow, all that he could smell was jaehyun's fruity shampoo because jaehyun was always too lazy to dry his hair before getting into bed. that smell triggered doyoung's thoughts — images of quick kisses in the shower that now seemed to mean nothing, and the scene of him towel-drying jaehyun's hair while jaehyun typed furiously away at an overdue assignment on his laptop. they popped into doyoung's head and he hated it. with a groan he switched the lights off and tried his best to ignore the sweet sound of jaehyun's giggles as they headed into taeyong's room.

 

doyoung was startled awake hours later by a bang on the wall, followed by a faint "be quiet" between giggles. eyebrows furrowed, doyoung sat up and noted that the noise was from the neighbouring room. his curiosity piqued, and he leaned towards the wall, cupping his ear against it and trying to make out the sounds.

and there's never been a better time to say that curiosity really does kill the cat.

the sounds that filled his ears were moans and groans and skin slapping against skin. the noises sounded unfamiliar and with tear-brimmed eyes, he was about to tear himself away from the wall, until he heard a more mellow moan.

the moan was unmistakably jaehyun's.

between "fuck, you feel so good"s and "faster, yong" from the voice, were grunts and whimpers and the tears escaped doyoung's eyes. he had never heard jaehyun moan for there was no reason to, but now that he did, it was the only sound he wanted to hear for the rest of his life. but he wanted to be the reason for those moans and pretty sounds, not fucking (literally) taeyong. doyoung's hand leapt to cover his mouth and he held back the sobs that attempted to leave his throat, now that he knew just how damn thin the walls were. and he was so sad — so, so sad because he had to hear jaehyun in bed and couldn't be the reason for it.

but more than that, doyoung was so incredibly turned on and he felt disgusted. his best friend, his reason for pining for the past five years, was fucking his ex-ex-boyfriend in the room beside him and instead of being heartbroken, he could feel his erection growing in his cotton shorts. he palmed at it, closing his eyes and ignoring the hot tears, instead fixing an image of a naked jaehyun that he had mentally saved from the many showers they had taken together to save time over the past weeks. he kept one hand over his mouth, biting it to silence himself as he busied his other hand in his sweats. he hated everything about the situation; he was getting off to the sounds of his crush fucking his boyfriend and it all felt so wrong, but he just couldn't stop. he stroked himself into release the same time he heard jaehyun's husky voice cry out in a mix of a pained whimper and guttural moan.

doyoung sat up from his laying position and let what just happened settle in. he felt sticky and gross, quickly grabbing a couple of wet wipes from the bedside table and cleaning off his mess and disposing it before grabbing his phone. his mind was a mess and he only knew one person who was going to be able to keep him sane and level-headed.

so he texted taeil.

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : hyunf / _12.05am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : how was it / _12.07am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : he brought taeyong back / _12.07am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : oh the fuck / _12.08am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : how was it / _12.08am_

doyoung felt tears prick at his eyes again but powered through typing the reply.

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : i just hearf them fuvking can i plede go to yours / _12.11am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : i'll be there soon, come down in 5 doie / _12.12am_

 **doyoung ˊᗜˋ** : thanj yiu hyung im sorry / _12.12am_

 **taeil (ˊ ³ ˋ)** : don't be sorry. i'll see you / _12.14am_

when doyoung left the house and headed down to the driveway after locking the door as quietly as possible, taeil didn't say anything but simply brought doyoung into a hug, and the floodgates opened. sobs raked through doyoung's body and taeil let them stand there for a good while before he ushered them both into his car. the entire car ride was silent, however short considering how close by jaehyun's taeil lived, save for doyoung's choked sniffles and taeil's reassuring hums.

 

taeil pulled into his own driveway not long after and doesn't say a word either as they quietly walked out of the car, up the stairs and into taeil's unit. but when they sat down on the couch and taeil turned to finally ask about the night, he was met with lips on his. maybe taeil should have pushed doyoung in and just tucked him into bed, but in the split second that he tasted his friend's salty tears and the quivering lip against his, taeil decided that he would muse doyoung for the night. it wouldn't hurt anyone, seeing that taeil had zero romantic feelings for doyoung (they'd tried dating once but taeil couldn't stand that doyoung chewed loudly and didn't wash his dishes right away so he chucked any romantic potential of their relationship aside completely) and doyoung seemed to just… need something to distract him that night.

so taeil let himself kiss back, let doyoung and his lips mold together, let doyoung push him until he was laying on the couch with the other straddling him. the younger wasted no time in pressing himself flush against taeil and taeil let out a grunt at the unfamiliar feeling; it had been months since taeil had gotten any action, what with assignments and preparing to take over his dad's company helping out whenever he could. when he felt doyoung's hand creep down to the hem of his white tee, he paused and stopped doyoung's hand.

"if we're gonna do this… just tonight okay?" taeil had hesitated to make the statement but after voicing out and seeing doyoung nod hurriedly with hooded eyes, taeil chuckled and pushed them to sit upright, before getting off the couch and pulling doyoung into his bedroom. the two collectively fell onto the bed, a mess of lips and teeth clashing and grazing and tangled limbs amongst hurriedly removed articles of clothing. taeil found himself laying back, head propped up against a pillow and one leg arched, as doyoung was sat in his lap and leaning back against taeil's thigh. the older kept a firm grip on doyoung's waist, almost hard enough to bruise, as doyoung circled his hips and grinded down on taeil's still clothed crotch. at one especially hard move, the two let out a groan each and taeil moved one hand to grip at the base of doyoung's neck, pulling him down for a sloppy kiss. they let their tongues battle, tangling and pushing, and when taeil pulled away to see doyoung's swollen, red lips and glossy eyes, he felt his dick twitch. immediately he moved to squeeze doyoung's ass with one hand and moved the other down to work on loosening doyoung up. it didn't take long with how doyoung was sinking himself down onto taeil's finger-turned-fingers instead of taeil having to push and prod in.

after a liberal amount of lube and taeil being able to hit doyoung's prostate by burying three fingers knuckles-deep, taeil manhandled the younger forward and angled his dick to line up with doyoung's puckering hole. looking up at doyoung, he took the younger's desperate nod and whimper at the feeling of taeil prodding at his entrance as a green light and holding doyoung by the waist, sunk the younger down onto him.

right off the bat the two shared a groan — doyoung because taeil was already in deep and barely missed his prostate, taeil because he hadn't felt the warmth of being in someone in months. "you okay?" taeil panted out, and doyoung nodded without a word, instead squirming in place as he adjusted to taeil's size and started to ride taeil. taeil let out a languid moan, leaning up to place kisses across doyoung's chest and occasionally taking the skin between his lips to bite gently which always earned him a soft whine from doyoung. when doyoung started to slow down, taeil saw the sweat trickling down the younger's chest and stopped him, making him get up and on his fours before turning him around.

before doyoung could turn around to ask taeil to hurry up and just enter him again, he heard an "i'm going" and with that, taeil made one long thrust into the younger. doyoung cried out and leaned forward onto his arms, which taeil took as encouragement. the older kept up with long, deep strokes, making sure he was balls deep in doyoung, each time getting a louder cry of pleasure.

the room filled with sounds of skin slapping skin and heavy pants, between whimpers and low moans. he gradually started to pick up the pace, letting his left hand alternate between smacking doyoung's ass from time to time and squeezing, while his right hand reached under to get doyoung off. when taeil finally found doyoung's prostate with his dick it was just a matter of trying to keep doyoung still while taeil started to thrust even harder into the younger, ravishing in the feeling of warmth around his dick.

taeil started to feel his stomach coil and when he heard doyoung start panting strings of incoherent "almost"s, he remembered that they hadn't thought to find a condom (not that taeil would have one anyway) and quickly pulled out, stroking himself through release as he let out a low but loud groan and let his come splutter into his hand, some getting onto doyoung's back. almost right after, doyoung let out a throaty whine, slumping back into a sitting position and releasing. taeil, in the midst of his coming down from his own high, leaned over to stroke doyoung through his orgasm. if he heard jaehyun's name amidst doyoung's moans as he came, he didn't point it out and instead opted to kiss doyoung and keep his hands on doyoung's dick. when doyoung started to squirm and moan into the heated kiss, taeil withdrew his hand and wiped it on the sheets, and they busied themselves with each other’s lips for a good ten minutes more before they finally pulled away, breath heavy and eyes clouded.

the air seemed to thicken as the two males, still naked with bodies covered in each other's come and lips glossed with each other's spit, looked up simultaneously and made eye contact. taeil noticed doyoung's eyes start to turn glassy again and pursed his lips, pulling his friend in for a hug as he placed a quick kiss in the other's hair. "i'll get us cleaned up," he whispered, pulling the younger off the bed gently and into the shower. the two of them showered in peace, doyoung only speaking to ask for the conditioner.

when they were finally done, taeil stole a glance at his wall clock to see that it was already a bit past 1am. he let doyoung lay in his bed and pat the younger's head — doyoung seemed entirely worn out, but taeil was unsure if it was because of crying or the sex. pressing his lips together in a thin line, he pulled the covers the already dozing off male and stood up, walking out to the living room with his phone.

taeil settled on the couch with a spare blanket before unlocking his phone, only to see a message from jaehyun. his eyebrows immediately furrowed.

 **jaehyun ˃̵ᴗ˂̵** : me and yong got back together hyung!!!!! / _12.48am_

with a sigh, taeil headed to his draft messages and letting his bottom lip rest between his teeth, he deleted the message he had been drafting when he was with doyoung in the afternoon, simply replying jaehyun with a "that's great" before locking his phone and placing it under his pillow.

 

in the room, doyoung, tired from coming twice in a night, fell asleep quickly asleep to dreams of jaehyun and him at the dining table, sharing breakfast. he dreamt of an alternate universe where jaehyun loved him too and they could live happily ever after.

if taeil heard sobs and mumbles of jaehyun's name from his room, he just covered his ears and focused on trying to sleep, trying to ignore his heart clenching in pity for his best friend.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello thank u for reading!!! as usual, leave a kudos or comment or subscribe if u liked it hehe  
> come scream at me on [twt](https://twitter.com/taeildal) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/taeilna) if you wanna!! o u o


	3. mind over matter (makes these things feel so real)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> doyoung and taeil get closer, but some twisted deities just want to see doyoung suffer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd so forgive me for any grammar mistakes ;-;  
> sorry it took me like a whole month to update, i was busy with school but now i'm on a short break so (hopefully) i can get another update out in the next week or so~!  
> enjoy the chapter <3  
> (chapter title ref: pvris - mind over matter)

doyoung fell back into the routine of living alone, or at least tried his very best to. more often than not, doyoung found himself waking up pawing at the emptier half of his bed with jaehyun’s name rolling off his tongue, or to taeil sitting at the edge of his bed, smiling sympathetically at him.

speaking of taeil, after that one night, doyoung had been absolutely embarrassed at his heartbroken state’s desperate want for physical contact that had landed them in bed together and proceeded to spend days avoiding the older at all costs. but taeil had assured doyoung that it was fine and he didn’t have to be so awkward, so the two eased back into their playful banters, spending most days cooped up in either of their rooms and tackling their respective assignments head-on. despite having vastly different majors and extracurriculars (doyoung studied business and did debate, whereas taeil studied music history and was eerily favored by the head teacher of the theatre club despite having left weeks prior to focus on academics), they enjoyed each other’s company as they sat hunched over their own textbooks and laptops, only ever looking up briefly to share a quick smile or ask if the other wanted to take a break. admittedly, doyoung had always been closer to jaehyun amongst the trio because of their similar majors and schedules but now that jaehyun was always somewhere with taeyong, doyoung decided that he wasn’t complaining about the strangely large amount of time he was spending with taeil. days were a mix of waiting for each other after class or club activities to go and eat and chat, and soon they were almost always sleeping together (sometimes sexually, sometimes literally). unlike jaehyun, whom doyoung had to constantly teether around in fear of exposing his feelings, he was liberal around taeil.

knowing jaehyun’s schedule, doyoung was clever in avoiding any place he knew jaehyun would be at that moment. the only times doyoung ever saw jaehyun properly anymore were inevitable moments, like when jaehyun was waiting outside the room across the debate club room he was walking out of, for the public speaking club taeyong was in to finish up. the two would exchange a curt smile and a nod, then doyoung would turn to taeil who always waited and watched their exchange in silence. the two would then walk off and if taeil noticed jaehyun’s gaze seemed to burn into his neck he simply didn’t say a thing. those nights when doyoung saw jaehyun were rough because it wasn’t like he was completely over the younger yet, but thankfully doyoung had taeil to distract him.

there were many ways in which these distractions played out; some nights were spent running rom-com marathons as they shovelled ice cream (straight of the tub) into their mouths, some were dedicated to hours of blasting sad music in their rooms coupled with junk food, and some (well as a matter of fact, most) nights ended with taeil pulling out of doyoung and jerking him through his release, letting the younger indulge in letting jaehyun’s name roll of his tongue, before cleaning the younger up and putting him to bed before feeling equal parts guilty and frustrated. the former, because he felt like he shouldn’t be indulging doyoung in these heartbroken-rebound banging sessions and as a good friend, should instead comfort him and advise him; the latter, because he was sick of the tension and he just wanted jaehyun and doyoung to talk things out like the mature people they should be.

and jaehyun, sweet sweet jaehyun. to call the boy oblivious was an understatement; he asked doyoung and taeil to dinners with taeyong, with texts like “ _yong misses u guys!_ ” and “ _we’re back tgt so it can just be like old times!!_ ”. taeil often had to answer for him and doyoung, and he had become so good with crafting excuses that he might as well have steered towards a career path for coming up with excuses, specifically to help your best friend avoid their object of pining that just got back together with their ex.

at some point jaehyun just stopped texting them altogether and doyoung was relying on jaehyun and taeyong’s instagram stories to see what jaehyun was up to, and what places they’d be at (that doyoung would subsequently go out of the way just to avoid), and taeil also ultimately gave up on pressing doyoung on to clear the air with jaehyun. when doyoung walked out of debate practice to see jaehyun and taeyong sharing a greeting kiss against the wall, he’d let taeil’s arm wrap around his waist and wordlessly guide him towards the parking lot. sometimes they’d just make out sloppily in taeil’s ratty car, to pacify doyoung just wanting the feeling of someone else’s lips against his, but doyoung would mostly break down in tears, soaking taeil’s the shirt as the older rubbed his back to provide whatever reassurance he could offer.

 

doyoung and taeil were now, quite literally, always together. despite taking different majors and thus having their lessons in faculties at opposite ends of the school campus, they made it a point to meet at least once between their lessons, even if it was a brief hug or smile, or even the occasional blowjob in the handicap toilet stall opposite the dance studios. on monday and tuesday nights, taeil would wait outside the debate club room with his textbook in hand, and the act of his arm curling around the younger’s waist and gathering them in an embrace when doyoung came out often garnered obscenely loud coughs and whistles that were far from the discretion the other debaters, namely a snarky junior named jeno that doyoung doted a ridiculous amount on, had tried to play their reactions off with. the two often tried to leave as soon as possible but if they happened to bump into taeyong and jaehyun after taeyong’s practice (or even ended up walking to the parking lot together, that one time), doyoung would bow his head and taeil would just speed them both up. on thursday nights, doyoung waited in the audience seats of the theatre with his laptop perched precariously on his lap, calculating the figures for fictional businesses and trying to fall asleep which was tough when all he could hear was taeil’s voice of an angel guiding and mentoring the actual theatre club members in vocal exercises. when doyoung heard the vocals stop and footsteps shuffling toward him, he’d look up with bleary eyes to taeil standing in front of him, hands chucked in his pockets as he cocked his head towards the exit of the theatre. they’d then walk out and towards the parking lot, talking about their day on the drive home.

another new but undiscussed situation was the living arrangement, as doyoung now very literally lived with taeil. supportive, doting and financially steady parents had granted taeil a more-than-decent 3-room place in an apartment building not too far off from campus. while the place often seemed too big for a small man like taeil to live alone, even more so with him never bringing anyone back, it seemed just nice for company. company would previously refer to doyoung, jaehyun and him all lazing around the house, but it now pointed to doyoung coming home with him and heading to what used to be taeil’s study to set his bag down, then go into taeil’s actual bedroom and engage in an activity that varied each night - some nights it was the older’s head on doyoung’s chest as they drifted asleep, and some nights it was the sound of skin slapping against skin bouncing off all the walls, coupled with pants and moans and other sounds (and names) in between.  

both doyoung and taeil knew that their dynamics had changed ever since the first night they had sex. anyone that has had sex would know that even if absolutely zero romantic feelings were present, sex would still establish a new connection; a fresh form of intimacy, and it was up to both parties to keep it platonic or mix it up into a romance. knowing doyoung definitely wasn’t over jaehyun (because more often than not, it was _that_ name taeil heard being moaned from doyoung’s lips instead of taeil’s own), taeil made a mental agreement with himself to just do whatever he could to keep doyoung happy and healthy because he’d seen his dear friend hit rock bottom and it wasn’t a pretty situation for anyone. it could be doyoung waking up to taeil brewing coffee or scrambling eggs in nothing but the younger's shirt that ended way past his boxers, humming a song from the upcoming school production; it could have been their hands finding their way to each other while doyoung rode the living daylights out of taeil and how their fingers seemed to slot perfectly with each other as doyoung kept the older’s hands pinned down; heck, it could very well be the simple unspoken promise to always wait for each other to go home together at the end of the day, but sometimes the things doyoung and taeil did were so sickeningly domestic that taeil (and actually doyoung too, but he himself wasn’t aware) had to halt his thoughts and tell himself again that none of this was romantic; that none of it meant the love and fireworks and shooting stars he guided the theatre kids in singing about.

 

slightly more than a month after jaehyun stopped reaching out to doyoung and taeil came the mid-year assessments. these were the projects which students spent their mid-year break slaving over, and doyoung had been dreading them for a different reason ever since the whole jaehyun-taeyong fiasco; the business-accounting merge, where for every year’s mid-year assessments, the business and accounting classes would merge and a student from each class would be partnered together to come up with a marketing layout and a financial plan for a fictional startup company, and he didn’t really welcome the idea of having to see jaehyun so often again.

because of course, by some twisted fate that foresaw this fiasco, doyoung took business while jaehyun studied accounting.

the first merged session was usually meant for the partners to break the ice and get familiar with each other, seeing that they were from different classes after all and probably didn’t know of each other’s existence. fortunately (or maybe in this case, unfortunately) for doyoung and jaehyun, both found their names side by side on the partner list, which lead them to be sitting across from each other at a long table while other pairs shared awkward details of themselves and exchanged instagram handles. so not only did doyoung have to see jaehyun often again, he actually had to work together with him regularly now.

of course, jaehyun and doyoung could skip the formalities. after all, they were more than familiar with each other, in terms of each other’s personalities and bodies. which was exactly why doyoung kept his gaze trained on the briefing notes in his hands, refusing to make eye contact with jaehyun because even a glimpse of him reeled scenes of jaehyun’s bare body into his mind and he most definitely did not want to pop a boner in front of two of the largest student bodies combined.

“doyoung. we have to do this for the next 2 months, can we be civilised and get this over with?” jaehyun’s voice, low and mellow and everything doyoung didn't know he was missing, snapped him out of his headspace and he looked up to meet the other’s hesitant gaze.

and god, doyoung had missed those eyes so, so much. he’d always loved jaehyun’s eyes, even when they were just friends. the younger’s eyes were dark but held a mysterious depth that drew you in. his eyes lit up when he spoke with passion and fervour, and they glossed over when he cried. his eyes told a story, and right now it was telling doyoung that doyoung wasn't the only one who missed the other.

“i’m sorry. i know i've been distant,” words like this tasted unfamiliar to a person like doyoung, who avoided confrontation as much as he could. he saw jaehyun’s eyes visibly soften and a meek smile played across both their lips.

“me too. sorry i stopped reaching out,” jaehyun started, placing his hands on the table between them. as he opened his mouth to continue but decided otherwise, doyoung reached out and placed a hand over jaehyun’s, rubbing a thumb over the back of the younger’s hand to coax the words out of him.

“taeyong and i...” if doyoung’s smile fell for a second at the older’s name, he picked himself back up and hummed in response, encouraging jaehyun to speak. “we’re taking a break. said he needed to think, things didn’t feel the same as they did before,” jaehyun let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding with the words, blinking quickly to shoo away the tears that threatened to fall. doyoung’s heart felt like it was being rolled around in a tray of pins; any and every direction was going to hurt.

saved by the bell, doyoung was, as the teacher-in-charge asked the students to pack up and dismissed them, not before a reminder to take the project seriously and to meet often with your partners to get familiar and complete the project efficiently. doyoung stood up, pulling his bag with him and slinging it over his shoulder. he looked up at jaehyun, who know under a different angle of light looked significantly more tired and rugged. he felt his heart swell with pity, tugging jaehyun in for a loose hug right after jaehyun stood up. the breath ghosting the juncture between his neck and shoulder, the fruity scent wafting from jaehyun’s head, the arms around his waist and how jaehyun seemed to slump into him; everything was all too familiar to doyoung and all the feelings he thought he had successfully pushed down and swept under the carpet seemed to rushed back all at once, and it was making him dizzy.

“do you want to... come over? to catch up,” jaehyun croaked out as he stepped back and straightened up, looking right into doyoung’s eyes like he knew doyoung couldn’t refuse them. doyoung didn’t know what he replied with but he was pretty sure he nodded because 10 minutes later, doyoung found himself in a cab to jaehyun’s place, the boy himself beside him.

before his thoughts could swamp him, doyoung let out a soft curse upon remembering he was supposed to meet taeil before going back together. so he immediately whipped out his phone and entered taeil’s contact, pressing the ‘call’ icon then raising the phone to his ear.

“taeil? go back first, i’ll see you tonight,” doyoung started off, and jaehyun tore his gaze away from the trees outside the car, for the first time since they’d boarded the hailed cab 5 minutes ago, to look at doyoung. the older tensed a little under jaehyun’s gaze but he managed to catch taeil’s “hm? where are you going?”. doyoung coughed into his hand, jaehyun’s sudden attention from his peripheral vision making him nervous to speak. “jaehyun’s,” doyoung started, and tried not to show any visible reaction to taeil’s stuttered gasp. “to catch up,” doyoung continued, hanging the call when taeil mumbled a “stay safe” and “text me, love you” which doyoung mirrored in reply.

shoving his phone back into his pocket, doyoung turned to look at jaehyun, whose gaze seemed fixated on him and him alone. “are you and taeil dating or something?” the younger asked without any apparent venom, but doyoung knew a skeptical jaehyun when he heard one, and he knew the question had something to do with the “love you too” he had mumbled back to taeil on the phone barely a moment ago,. he was about to answer with a shake of his head, but too-sweet domestic scenes ran through his head and suddenly doyoung could feel taeil on him; warm hands on his bare waist, chin on his shoulder, firm thighs wrapped loosely around his hips, lips on his lips with short breaths exchanged between them. taken aback by his own thought process, doyoung shook his head slightly as if that would clear the vivid images and sensations, before chuckling out a “no” to which jaehyun seemed oddly appeased with.

when the car pulled up in front of jaehyun’s apartment building, the two handed the driver an equally split fare each and bounded out of the car. doyoung hadn’t been here in ages, but jaehyun didn’t seem to think twice before pulling doyoung into the building behind him. the trip up the stairs to the second floor felt like deja vu, and doyoung was overdosing on it.

 

but no amount of deja vu would have prepared doyoung for what happened the moment jaehyun swung the door shut behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, thank you for reading! as usual, comment or leave a kudos or subscribe if you enjoyed it hehe!!  
> for those feeling frustrated for jaehyun,,, yeah me too,,, but i can't end everything so soon right? keke  
> this chapter is a lil shorter and has a more vague ending compared to the previous two because my tests have fried my brain, but i hope you enjoyed it nevertheless!!  
> come scream at me on [twt](https://twitter.com/taeildal) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/taeilna) if you wanna hehe

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me at [twt](https://twitter.com/taeildal) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/taeilna)


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